my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
