my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
