hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
