I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm at about main and main street
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
