remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
