Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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