you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
