we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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