It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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