Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
