What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize