Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
