I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
