I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
