I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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