I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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