Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
