Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
