Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
