Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
