Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
