I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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