my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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