for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
