my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
