David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize