My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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