The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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