Are we in a gay sports bar?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
