:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
