I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
