We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
