Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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