Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
