the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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