I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
