im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
