Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
