Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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