There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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