he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
