i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
