i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
