He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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