Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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