last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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