It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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