No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
