so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize