Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
