Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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