Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
