He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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