Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
