whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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