Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
