he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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