he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
