I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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