you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
