HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
