It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
