there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
