I have demons in me.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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