yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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