I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
