i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
