p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
