wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
