I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
