They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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