is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
