The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
