The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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