pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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