She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
