he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
