I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
