i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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