SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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