Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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