I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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