I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
