how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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