i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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