Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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