I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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