i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
